I DARE YOU. Look at who you think loves you the deepest, hold their hands, look at them straight in the eye, and ask them, “Do you love me enough to wipe my ass?” I could guarantee you that this is one moment in your life you will never forget. First of all, it is a freaking mortifying, if not hilariously awkward question to ask someone special in your life. I bet most people, If not all, have not asked this question to anyone. You are chuckling right now as your mind races with thoughts on this, right? The very idea of it is gross, probably repulsive to some. “Do you love me enough to wipe my ass?” does not sound as romantic as in “In sickness and in health”. But the truth is…THAT is what it means. At least one of its meanings. Bright days do turn dark, harsh realities of life set in, tragedies strike our blissful, comfortable lives, cancer invades our homes and the bodies of our loved ones. It could be anyone…your sweetheart, your parent, sibling, child, or anyone we deeply care about. Our love and commitment will be put to a test. Our patience, understanding and devotion pushed to their limits. Are we willing to be there for them in their very dark, humbling, most vulnerable time, and perform toilet duties for them?
Easier for women to say yes. Would you be that man who will be willing to do it for their loved ones?
Having been gravely ill and very debilitated almost ten years ago as a result of an occupational hazard exposure that left me with a permanent lung damage and hyper reactive airways, I struggled to breathe. Even my own doctor was scared for me. Going to the bathroom, literally, took my breath away. It was so exhausting. I was alone then, and really felt sorry for myself. I wondered if I will find that special someone who will lovingly take care of me when I get old…or sick, just like what I was going through at that time. I wondered if that person would be grossed out when called upon to clean me when I pee or poop, when I am unable to help myself. At that moment, I looked at a bedpan in a whole different way, I saw it as a symbol of unconditional love.
A more devastating tragedy shook my world as I began to recover from my own illness. Not long after I found my true love and married her, she was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. I was hoping and praying that after 9 weeks of aggressive medical interventions and surgeries, that she would make it to rehab, and back home. She was completely immobile. I was willing and prepared to take on the responsibilities of addressing her needs. Sadly, she succumbed to the inevitable while still in the hospital. I was a widow eight months after being married. Did I love her enough to wipe her ass? Hell, YES!
Now that I’ve been blessed with a miracle of finding true love the second time around, and getting married again, do I love her enough to wipe her ass? Without a shadow of a doubt!
I lost my mother to ovarian cancer less than three months of diagnosis. I was crushed beyond words. Six months after, my father passed away from lung cancer. It was hard to fathom how a child feels to lose both parents. They were both only 58 years young. Did I love them enough to wipe their ass? Absolutely!
I dare you TONIGHT. Take a sweet, tender moment with your loved ones, hold both their hands and look straight into their eyes and ask them, with a straight face, “Do you love me enough to wipe my ass?” I promise you, this conversation will redefine your marriage, or any relationship. It will leave you with an indelible memory.
I recently stopped by the store of someone I do business with. A couple of days before, I showed his wife my bedpan inspired jewelry collection, Resilience by Ferlie, She shared with me that she and her husband ( who is a very serious man, who never jokes around and seldom laughs) were talking about me the night before. She told him about my unconventional jewelry design and its message. I do not know what they talked about, but she said, they have never laughed so hard in their decades of marriage. The next morning, the husband told her that he has never slept so well. It made me wonder if he is able to sleep better now knowing his wife loves him enough to wipe his ass.
Ferlie Almonte is a Certified Life Coach, Image Consutant, Motivational Entertainer, Author, Jewelry and Clothing Designer